still not doing well, so this is the short version
- woke up
- went to do laundry
- but Ted got sick, so I took him home
- did laundry
- decided on flowers to send for Amanda’s funeral
- came home and moped
- hoped that Brian was okay
- talked to Holly and we decided I would watch Joshua for her so she didn’t have to take him to the funeral home
- let Scott bitch me out some more
- watched some tv
- Crissy called to offer me a babysitting job that I took. It’s for 3 days a week
- Emily came over with Nick for a few before her gig
- Brian called, like I was hoping
- Talked to Ryan
- talked to Jen
- Brian called back and delivered the most devastating news next to him losing his wife
- cried like a baby for a half hour
- Jen called to ask me to come over
- went to Jen’s, smoked and cried and cried and cried.
- came home
- going to bed at 2a
Hopefully I will be able to write more after tomorrow. I don’t know how I am supposed to handle losing him for a third time, but I know that he’s right and I fully understand. Amanda was his life and she was more than just his wife. I just wish she could have forgiven me before she died. I hope she knows, where ever she is, that I am so sorry for all of the pain I caused. I know it seems to little, too late, but I wish I really could have gotten to know her and finally establish a friendship with her. Rest in Peace Amanda Marie Ogden… You really were, truly, an amazing woman. If you weren’t Brian wouldn’t love you as much as he so obviously does.
