10
Feb
08

Early Morning Blues

I am always searching for myself. I thought I knew who I was, but I have yet to be 100% satisfied that I really do. I am constantly in search for meaning in my life, yet I keep coming up empty handed.   I hate the feeling of being useless in this world; Like my place could be easily filled with anyone with a pulse. I don’t contribute anything to this world that anyone else hasn’t or couldn’t. I am not anyone special, not the kind of person that anyone will remember or at least someone who is easily forgettable in time.    I hate that I have no real talent for anything. Everyone has something that they can do really well. I have yet to find ANYTHING that I am good at. Everything I have tried to do, I am, at the most, mediocre at. I am surrounded with the most amazingly talented people. My best friends all are so good at so many things. I am insanely jealous of this. It makes me want to hide all the more.    I hate that I am still not doing anything important with my life. Strike that. I hate that I am still not doing anything at all with my life. When I was in high school, I had such high hopes for my life. I really thought I would make a difference, even a small one, in this world. I always knew that I would show all of those people who said that I was worthless wrong. Unfortunately, I have done the exact opposite. I am in a stagnant pool of life. I feel like I have been standing here doing the same old nothing for so long, but I don’t have the ability to move.    I hate that people around me seem to have it all together while I am struggling for my next breath. More and more lately I have wondered why I even need to roll out of my bed in the morning. At least there I am cozy and warm and feel safe and loved. Once I leave my linen cocoon, I feel naked and exposed for the failure I have become. Not only to myself, but to the ones I love. I am sure that Ted never thought he would be married to someone like me. I only wish I could be the wife that he deserves.   Wait… I have found what I am good at… Whining… Great! 

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Vomitus of the Brainus © Aimée Easton 2006 - 2011 All Rights Reserved Material contained on this site are under copyright, whether my own or someone else's. The material here is published strictly for personal use, and may not be copied to any other place without prior permission. I have borrowed or linked resources from elsewhere and I have given credit to the source from where I got material. Any form of copying or distribution, may face legal penalty.

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