Today, in list form 11/09/08

still not doing well, so this is the short version

  • woke up
  • went to do laundry
  • but Ted got sick, so I took him home
  • did laundry
  • decided on flowers to send for Amanda’s funeral
  • came home and moped
  • hoped that Brian was okay
  • talked to Holly and we decided I would watch Joshua for her so she didn’t have to take him to the funeral home
  • let Scott bitch me out some more
  • watched some tv
  • Crissy called to offer me a babysitting job that I took. It’s for 3 days a week
  • Emily came over with Nick for a few before her gig
  • Brian called, like I was hoping
  • Talked to Ryan
  • talked to Jen
  • Brian called back and delivered the most devastating news next to him losing his wife
  • cried like a baby for a half hour
  • Jen called to ask me to come over
  • went to Jen’s, smoked and cried and cried and cried. 
  • came home 
  • going to bed at 2a


Hopefully I will be able to write more after tomorrow. I don’t know how I am supposed to handle losing him for a third time, but I know that he’s right and I fully understand. Amanda was his life and she was more than just his wife. I just wish she could have forgiven me before she died. I hope she knows, where ever she is, that I am so sorry for all of the pain I caused. I know it seems to little, too late, but I wish I really could have gotten to know her and finally establish a friendship with her. Rest in Peace Amanda Marie Ogden… You really were, truly, an amazing woman. If you weren’t Brian wouldn’t love you as much as he so obviously does.


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