16
Sep
10

…but for now…

It’s so cute. Since the kids were taken from their mom and given to their dad, things had been going great. Scott had not been drinking. AT. ALL. He had been teaching the kids good habits, not letting them play violent video games, getting them into a really great routine and playing with them. Really getting them to use their imaginations. Matthew calls Bee EVERY day after school and things looked as if they were going really well. It looked as though their dad was doing everything right. Way better than their mom had ever done. Because when she got sober for a minute, instead of being responsible, she’d give them everything they wanted, spoiling them to gain their love and trust. That’s not the right thing to do.

Then comes 9/14. Matthew calls Bee after school like he routinely does and tells her that Dad’s been drinking. Bee tells Matthew that she wants to talk to dad to see if she can take them to the park (since it was an amazingly beautiful day) and when Matthew went outside to give his dad the phone, Matthew actually sees the bottle of booze. This was it for her. Phone calls were made and tests were required and to make a very, very long story short, Their dad is about to lose the kids.

That night, after DHS contacted Bee to tell her to keep the kids, we had to go to their mom’s house to get them some clothes for school. And sadly, to no surprise, She was wasted.

There is a very good possibility that the state will put the kids into an actual foster home since the people who are trusted by CPS to take the kids don’t have the space for them. Or the money to get a bigger space.

There is also the possibility, a BIG possibility, that the state will be terminating the parental rights of their parents and they will be taken off of the kids’ birth certificates.

Last night we all went to the park. Bee, Aimee, Ted, Matthew, Alice, and I went to George George. I took a shit ton of pictures with Aimee’s camera (since mine is STILL effed up) and no one would talk about it, but we all knew that this might be the last time, for a LONG time that we all get to go out, where ever we want, and play with them. No one would say it, but we were trying to make the best out of a really fucked up situation. No one was saying it, because we’re all hoping it’s not true, but this might be goodbye for a while.

We’re all worried about visitation. I mean, their new foster family won’t know any of us. For all they know, we can’t be trusted or we would have the kids. We don’t know if they will even want us knowing where they live. They could require us the state minimum of 1 hour a week visitation at the DHS office. That is so depressing. I hope that Lisa tells them the whole story and lets them know that we are good, safe, encouraging and uplifting people.  I hope that they will allow us at least into their home so they can see us with the kids and eventually I hope they will let us take the kids out and maybe have them over night. I mean, doesn’t every foster family want their foster kids to have a number of supportive and loving people to support the kids?

They scheduled the TDM for 1:30. I think that’s because they want to make sure that mom and dad are busy when the kids get out of school so that someone from CPS can go and get them so that mom and dad can’t. There is a very good chance that we won’t get to say goodbye to them.  There is a good chance that we won’t get to tell them to be good and try not to act out. That they shouldn’t take their anger out on their new foster family and to give them all the advice we possibly can.

The kids are angry. They know that they’re most likely going to a foster home, but we couldn’t go on any further. We needed to make this time with them the happiest we possibly could. We are all so depressed right now. The kids described how they felt in the coolest way. Matthew said, “It’s like we’re in a mosh pit at a Slipknot concert and we’re being bashed from all sides and we can’t get out.” He hit the nail on the head. What’s even funnier is that he’s never been to a concert or in a mosh pit! He’s a hilarious kid.

Lisa told Bee that she can’t get the kids because she’s still a foster kid until she’s 19. In August of next year, Bee will be getting a 3 bedroom place and Lisa told her that she can petition the state for custody. If the parental units have lost their rights, she may even be able to adopt them. Lisa said that she would back Bee 100%. One year. Though this year flew by, I have a feeling that this one will drag by for her. It’s one thing to miss the kids because they’re 3 hours away with your grandparents who you know and love, but it’s a whole different thing when they’re with a family that we don’t know and have no clue if they’re in the system just for the money. We have no idea if they will be kept together or if they’ll be separated. We haven’t even brought that possibility up to Bee. She’s going through too much as it is. I don’t know if she’s even thought of that possibility.

The TDM is at 1:30 today. In 7.5 hours, we’ll hear the fate of the kids. In 7.5 hours, we’ll know if their parents have fucked up so bad that they will no longer have parents. If they’ve not only complicated the kids’ lives, but the lives of everyone who loves them. Because of them, we will get to wonder, worry, wish and wander through days without the kids. We don’t know if we will be allowed to call us or if we can send them letters; we don’t know if any of our lives will ever be the same.

The TDM will be at 1:30 today and that 7.5 hours is going to crawl by. I feel like we are waiting for our own execution. That we are waiting for the state to sever a vital part of our family and leave us hanging.

I guess we’ll see.

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1 Response to “…but for now…”


  1. September 16, 2010 at 8:54 pm

    My experience is foster care in Idaho. I’m spending a lot of time researching foster care in general. My understanding is that people who know the kids before being removed from the parents will get the kids before foster parents. It’s written in Idaho law that foster parents are the last placement that the department of health and welfare can consider. Idaho isn’t exactly blazing the trail on this idea. So, it surprises me that you wouldn’t have a chance to be certified by the state to care for these kids yourself.

    Given what you are saying, these kids need you more than you know. If you are helpful to the foster parents, it seems like you would get lots of access to the kids. However, if you decide that the foster parents are the “enemy”, then I’m sure you’ll be held at arm’s length. For us, we only care about one thing – and that’s the long term chances for our foster teens. Everything comes second to that. If you hide information from the foster parents, and they figure that out – it’s tough to come back from that.

    Regarding parental rights, it takes a very very very long time to lose those rights. I would be flat out shocked if the kids were removed, and then parental rights were terminated right away. Idaho spends considerable currency working intensively with the parents so that they can get their kids back. This can last for years. Either these parents are down right evil, or they’ll have their rights for quite a while.

    Good luck – and I very much hope you are able to be there for these kids.


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