Letters That I’ll Never Send: 09/16/10 – Write a Letter to a Child

From Here

Dear M&A,

Today marks a very sad occasion: your departure from our family. For the past 7 years, we have fought a battle that we never should have had to fight. Today, that battle comes to an end. For 7 years we, T, B, A and I have done everything in our power to help your mom and dad beat their alcoholism and for the first 5 years, we failed and failed and failed. We only got the state involved because we feared that one or both of you might end up dead if things kept going like they were. We had run out of ideas on how to help them. Nothing was working. Never in all my wildest imaginings, did I ever think that you would end up losing your family for good. That we would be losing you. Never did I ever think that we would have to say goodbye. That we wouldn’t have the option to see you any time we wanted or that we would have to schedule a visitation with strangers to see you. I didn’t think that we’d have to wait and wonder whether the state was going to keep you together or split you up. That there would be so many questions left unanswered and even more problems left unsolved.

I failed you. I did everything I could, but I failed. I had the very best of intentions in my heart and I know that in the end this is what’s best for you, but I can’t help but feel like there is something more that I could have done. More resources that I could have found to help your parents. More people I could have asked for help. I wanted to make your family whole again, but instead, AAP left, and the state separated the two of you from your big sister and practically the only mother you ever knew. Now, We will all be completely separated and there is no returning the family to the whole that we all hoped it could be again.

I’m sorry for consistently falling for all of the lies that your parents told me. I’m sorry that it took me so long to see their words for what they really were. I’m sorry that we couldn’t afford a bigger place so that you could come to live with me. I’m so sorry that my actions have brought us to this place. I don’t know that I would do it any differently if I had it to do over again, though. And I’m sorry for that as well.

I want you to remember a few things. You are loved. You are loved more than I can ever tell you. We all love you so much that this whole situation is killing us. We all loved you as if we bore you from our own loins. Please remember that it is okay to trust people, so long as you keep your eyes and mind sharp and clear. Know that there is good in this world and you are a big part of it. Remember to be nice and to appreciate what you do have. Try not to dwell on what you’ve lost. Make the most out of what you have. Take care of one another. I know you fight a lot, but remember that what you are feeling, the other is most likely feeling too. What you are going through, they are too. You two are the only ones who knows what it’s like to go through this. I promise that you will be each other’s greatest support.

We love you. We love you. We love you. From the moment you were each born until forever. We love you.



1 Response to “Letters That I’ll Never Send: 09/16/10 – Write a Letter to a Child”

  1. September 16, 2010 at 5:07 pm

    😥 You need to fill me in on what’s going on.

    I am bothered. 😦

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